New Year's Eve

Today is New Year’s Eve. It is time to pause and reflect on the year that was; the highlights, the low points, the lessons, the overcoming, the losses, the hits and misses.

Truth: the past year has been bittersweet. There were losses, not necessarily my own, that hit the core and made me reel in disbelief. There were more questions than answers and I have come to realize that if I do not have the answer right now, then I probably do not need it at that time. At the same time I was able to share in the success and happiness of others – christenings, birthdays, weddings and bridal showers, book launches and readings, anniversaries and award ceremonies. I had my own success as well. One of my poems will be in an anthology next year with the likes of Derek Walcott and Robert Pinsky and that more than made up for my disappointment with the judging of the JCDC Creative Writing Competition. I accept my award and do not think my work any more deserving of the award it received but I do not agree with some of the awards received by others. I do not care if it makes me seem “badmine” but those are my feelings, as well as, others. I will therefore have to think long and hard about whether I should put entering on my “to do” list for next year.

I had a wisdom tooth removed (the pain after is no fun). Had my run in with the insurance company (again not fun). Started and quit therapy. Had a run in with a most unhelpful bank teller which made me decide to close my account at that particular branch of the bank. Upside, I went to another branch of the same bank and got service with a smile. It would be remiss of me not to include my interaction with Ms. Parkin two weeks ago which made me realize how much I appreciate and how much we should all appreciate older folk.

My appreciation of the fact that we are only sure of the moment we are in at the time was increased. I cannot remember Valentine’s Day, I think I cooked, but all 365 have been Valentine’s Day for me.

I turned 25 this year and am trying to enjoy the journey and not think too much about the destination. I had many “invisible” days both the ones where I felt I was invisible and the ones where I wished I was invisible. I am, however, blessed with good friends, family and a wonderful significant other. I could not have made it through the year without them even if they drive you up the wall sometimes.

It has also been a year of forgiveness. Learning to forgive others; but more importantly myself. The lesson continues.

At the end of 2009, it appears that 2010 will be filled with challenges not for the faint heartened. Increased consumption taxes, potential job loss, trying to find the money to pay for school and to keep everything afloat while I am there. I have faith though, that everything will be ok. Perhaps it will not be how I wish it would be, but it will be ok.

Late in the year I adopted as my mantra “Focus on were you want to go not where you are now.” With this in mind I have decided once and for all to finish my book and get it out to publishers before April. I will start a company, even if it is in name only to begin with. I will love what I have, be less judgemental and be kinder to myself. I will exercise but most importantly, I will be grateful.